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Forgive and Forget – Move on With Life

Article by James Walsh

But, of late I have realised that by forgiving people we are doing a great favour to ourselves. We are not allowing the hurtful acts of a wrong doer to take roots in our mind. By this, we are eventually preventing them from destroying our happiness. This is the lesson I learnt after my divorce. By forgiving my ex spouse I was able to forget the past. This helped me pick up the fragmented pieces of my life and move ahead. And, till this realisation dawned on me, my divorce was like a heavy weight impeding my peace. It prevented me from letting go of the past grief. I was miserable when I realised that the very purpose of my divorce was wasted. I had divorced in quest of happiness. But, the quantum of my unhappiness did not mitigate even after divorce. I might have continued remaining bitterly unhappy had I not learnt the art of practicing forgiveness.

How to Forgive and Forget

Forgiving people is a conscious decision you make. Contrary to what people say forgiveness is a very selfish act. You are wasting precious time (plenty of man hours of it) and energy in thinking of your ex spouse. By pardoning, you are eliminating the person from your thoughts. This will help you get ahead in life with renewed freedom and vigour.

By granting amnesty you are freeing yourself from a state of perpetual anger. This will improve your relationship with your ex spouse who is also the co parent of your children. You can talk more formally and in a business like fashion without vehement anger. This will help you in arriving at proper decisions aimed at child welfare. If you refuse to let go of the past you are ultimately causing untold damage to your children. You will unconsciously try to compete with your ex spouse. Competition creates conflict and this finally hampers your goal of effective co parenting.

Forgiveness is an all comprising term. You should be strong enough to even forgive yourself. It is not uncommon for divorced couples to indulge in thoughts of self blame. Every divorcee feels that maybe, a little patience or tolerance on their part would have prevented the divorce. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you have committed. You can enter the path to recovery only after vindicating yourself and your ex spouse of all blame and mistakes. Divorce would have shattered your life. You have to give plenty of attention to rebuilding your life. This is hardly the time to dwell on the past.

Picking Up the Pieces After a Messy Divorce

Divorce affects life the most because it leaves an impact on every aspect of living. You might be shocked by the many unexpected consequences of this break up. Social relationship with old friends and family members of the ex spouse assume a new meaning. Economic changes make their due impact felt on life. Children develop different behavioural patterns that might leave you perplexed. The daily routine, holidays and special events assume a different hue. Perhaps no other occurrence affects with such great force.

From this chaos and confusion, you are expected to rebuild your life. Avoid thinking of the past and of the future too. Live your present day with courage. Each changed aspect of your life requires your special attention. Have complete faith that the situation will work out to your very best. Life after divorce becomes extremely hectic. Do not just concentrate on self to the exclusion of all other social activities. Form a social support network of friends and family.

Make all effort to heal yourself. And to begin a new life you need to first pardon your spouse as it has a medicinal effect of healing your grieving self. Once you are at peace with yourself dealing with all the changes brought about by divorce turns easy. And you can stay committed to achieving the welfare of your children.

About the Author

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information on getting a Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

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