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Guys Night Out

pardon process
by lisby1

Article by Dane Fletcher

Why do guys go to bars or clubs? Well, it’s always good to get together with some of your buddies and blow off some steam, right? Now, how about the real reason? Of course! To meet girls. And why do guys want to meet girls? Right again. To score. Don’t you feel better now that you’ve admitted it? Don’t get me wrong. If you meet a really cool girl with girlfriend potential, it’s a bonus. However, the odds of this happening are about as good as you meeting a group of nymphomaniacal 18 year-old bi-sexual aerobic instructors from Greece. In other words… it ain’t going to happen!

So, what is this methodical selection process guys employ in order to find Miss Right-Now? Allow me to lay it out in step by step fashion:

1. Repeatedly survey the establishment for potential prospects.

2. Periodically check the door to see what new talent has walked in.

3. Hone in on an attractive girl.

4. Do a brief check to see if the beer goggles are on.

5. Set off towards target while at the same time thinking up ridiculous opening line.

There are those who move in regardless of if she’s attractive or not. Personally, I don’t condone this kind of behavior, but it works for them.

It’s always important to gain the endorsement of a buddy or two before making your move. That dialogue sounds a little something like this:

Guy A: Yo. See that girl over there?

Guy B: Yeah.

Guy A: Would you do her?

Guy B: Yeah, Probably.

Guy A: Cool.

The fact that one of your buddies would also do her seems to justify your actions, thus providing you with the green light that you were hoping for. However, make sure that the guy you’re asking is one who maintains a level of standards. Otherwise, it’s like asking a starving man if he’d like a Spam-covered fried pork sandwich. Plus, if it does turn out that your goggles were on thick, you’ll have some backup to help deflect some of the shelling you will inevitably get from your boys later on.

Pardon the crude analogy (ladies), but scoping for girls is just like fishing. You spend a lot of time waiting around for one you like before throwing out a line and reeling her in.

It’s really tough for guys. The odds are stacked against us from the start. Anything a guy says as an opening comment is seen as a pick-up line. Even if you say a line that really isn’t meant to be a line, it’s automatically considered to be one of those “lines that aren’t meant to sound like lines”. On second thought, I guess if I was an attractive girl in a bar, I wouldn’t trust a thing that came out of a guy’s mouth either. Knowing what we all know about ourselves, we can’t really blame them, can we, guys?

But wouldn’t you love to know what girls are thinking as you’re bustin’ the same tired rap for the bajillionth time? As for me, the entire time I’m talking to a girl I’m thinking, “They’re really not buying this, are they? There’s no way they can be buying this. But, man, I really want to see what she looks like naked on my living room couch.”

As we know all too well, some guys will try anything to get a girl. Some choose the direct method. However, these types are either really cocky or really stupid. The moment they walk up to a girl and say “hello” their rap is off and running. This method is for gamblers and will result in either one of two things happening. They’ll either get missile lock or get blown out of the sky. Guys who choose this approach do so willingly. They know the risks and welcome the challenge. I tend to be more subtle in my approach. I actually use the bold and brash guys to do the dirty work for me. I let them break the ice and initiate conversation. Then before they know what hit them, I’ve worked my way into the conversation and created a clear path for myself rendering the lead man helpless on a barstool sucking on a tasty Zima. I admit that it’s a bit cowardly. However, it is effective, and given the fact that I don’t possess a pair of coconut-sized testicles, I will continue to use it. Of course, you can always resort to buying girls drinks. However, this tends to leave you poor and lonely.

There is one more method; however it is not for the weak. I have never used it but have seen it done. It’s desperate, but it works. It’s a play on the good cop/bad cop routine, so you will require the services of a buddy to play the bad cop to your good cop.

Here’s how it works. The two of you approach a girl you’re interested in. How you do this is not important. After slicing through the first round of typical bar room small talk, inevitably the girl will inquire as to your current occupation in order to assess your financial situation. This will allow her to determine whether or not she should waste any more time on you. Little does she know what’s in store for her. So while the bad cop proceeds to brag about how much money he makes as a trader on Wall Street, you deliberately maintain a look of uneasiness while blatantly trying to change the topic. When the girl asks you about your job, continue to act visibly uncomfortable with the question. Then your buddy should try to prod you to tell her, as if it’s a big secret or something. Keep insisting that you’d rather not talk about it. This will really peak her curiosity. Continue playing up the modesty bit. After your requests to drop this line of questioning are ignored, grudgingly give your friend the OK to tell her. In a very mocking and sarcastic tone, he should tell the girl how you work as a volunteer at a home for abused quadriplegic orphans with terminal diseases from El Salvador. He should also scoff at your unlivable salary and at the fact that you’re doing what you’re doing because you love children. At this point, while she is looking at you as the second coming of Mother Theresa, you should be able to see the tears welling up in her eyes. Keep in mind, however that while she’s digging you, she thinks your friend is an asshole. Maintaining a very humble and altruistic expression is really the key to the whole ploy. She will be very impressed that you don’t want to make a big deal out of it. If done properly, it can’t miss, and you’ll be having sex in no time.

So, what have we learned? Guys go to bars to watch Sports Center? No. Guys go to bars to catch up with one another and discuss the possible obstacles to implementing democracy in post-war Iraq? Not quite. The bottom line and only reason guys go to bars is to meet women with the hopes of having sex. Unless of course the guy is married, and that’s another topic for another time!

About the Author

Dane Fletcher is the world’s foremost training authority. He writes exclusively for GetAnabolics.com, a leading online provider of Bodybuilding Supplements. For more information, please visit http://www.GetAnabolics.com.

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