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Setting the Right Mood

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by nadav

Article by John Lee

You’re about to hear some pure, out-and-out girl talk. At times, it will be so nicey-nice, so unfailingly polite, that it will make you teeth ache.

So we’re going to cut you a break, right here up front. We’re going to start with the translation into guy speak. Here’s the take-home message of this chapter, as translated for us by Jane, a 30-year-old mother of two in El Cajon, California.

“If he’s been a jerk all day and then he’s only nice for 10 minutes, that doesn’t do it.”

You have to set a mood.

This is not some minor detail that maybe you can overlook expect on Valentine’s Day. Let’s put it this way… You know how important foreplay is to women, right? Well, here’s the point: They think that setting the mood is part of foreplay.

We are not kidding.

“Foreplay starts long before you hop into bed,” said Lorri in Washington State.

Do you feel like a deer caught in the headlights?

“Foreplay begins way before the bedroom. If he’s understanding and considerate during the day, sex is always better at night.”

So said Connie in central Pennsylvania. The women we surveyed indicate that she speaks for women everywhere.

One Vancouver woman even called it romantic foreplay.

And Laura, a 32-year-old Web site developer in New York City, referred to romance as “the mental side of foreplay.”

To most guys, the very idea of mental foreplay is, like, out there. But to most women, the idea is right here. That’s because, for us, the upward climb to orgasm is pretty much a matter of penile stimulation. But for them, it’s not strictly a matter of genital arousal. They claim that the brain is their biggest sex organ. One of our intrepid in-depth interviewers went so far as to say, “Women are sexual from the brain on down; and men are sexual from the dick up.”

Maria, a 24-year-old student in Chicago, put it most simply. She said, “A big portion of good sex occurs in my head.”

When you realize this fundamental difference between sexes, a lot of things start to fall into places. As Karen in Hilliard, Florida, made clear in this New Woman magazine survey response:

“For most women, sex is between the ears. (In other words, what sets the flame, fans it, and creates the biggest infernos is what happens in the brain beforehand – words, innuendos, looks, small touches, a single kiss, etcetera.) It’s like a Christmas present: The longer you have to look at the wrapper package under the tree, the more wonderful the anticipation and the more you want to open it. Why do you think women love reading romance novels so much? Those books are 99 percent buildup, 1 percent action.”

The flip side of that is: no buildup, no action. Let’s look at the specific components of a good buildup.

1. Touch her in a loving but no-strings-attached way. “Everyone likes being touched,” said Wendy, a 26-year-old programmer in New York City. “I really like being touched. I remember one time my boyfriend brushed my hair for about half an hour and I was so wet – I just had orgasms for days. I was, like, crying afterward, and he was, like ‘What’s wrong, honey?'”

For some women, it’s especially arousing if you display your affections in public. “Public shows of affection make me feel proud and cared for,” said Kathy in Peoria, Illinois.

Anna in Huntington Beach, California, agreed. “To me, the sexiest thing a man can do is to make me feel sexy when other people are around – to make me feel like we’re the only two people there.”

And here’s a promise from an anonymous respondent to our survey:

“Take more time to be romantic instead of, ‘How about you and me go upstairs.’ If there was hugging, touching, and kissing ahead of time, he wouldn’t have to ask to go upstairs. It would happen where they were.”

2. Be an old-fashioned chauvinist – her chauvinist. You know, this stuff worked for eons, and Angela in California is one of many women who thinks it still works. “Opening the door for you, taking your arms as you walk, anything like that,” she said. “There aren’t a lot of men who do that anymore.”

3. Pay her compliment. “I wish he would be more complimentary about my body,” said Catherine in Chicago of her boyfriend. “He isn’t. And it shuts me down a little bit. For the most part, I am happy about the way I look, but it would be nice to get some feedback about that. I think he feels a little bit burdened about my insecurity around it.”

Laura in New York City really laid it on the line: “The less I hear it, the less I think of myself physically. And if I don’t feel attractive around him, I’m not going to want to have sex. If I don’t feel beautiful then, you know, I’m going to be a lot more intimidated when I take my clothes off, when I start to do things to his body. I’m going to feel a lot more insecure. I think more men really need to understand that they have to kiss up, I guess.”

Compliments are critically important to woman who are not a pert, perky size four anymore. If she has any weight problems or beauty issues or body-image issues, she’ll need you to be expressive. Eunice in Louisiana wrote to say, “Lately, I’ve been feeling self-conscious about my weight. This caused me to have a decreased sexual drive for a while. When I spoke about it, my husband was encouraging. He said he found me to be sexy and likened my body to the women in the famous Renaissance paintings and sculptures. Our sex life became almost immediately better. I still need to watch my weight, but at the same time I feel desirable.”

Other women don’t want compliments about appearances. Alice, a 46-year-old nurse in Canada, for instance, said, “I love a compliment about something I’ve done. I’m more of a concrete person in the respect. A good dinner that I’ve worked hard on… I love compliments like that, where he’s giving me credit. That sets me up. I’m really easy then.”

Pardon the shouting, but the overall point is to make her feel appreciated. Mandy in Pennsylvania put it nicely: “Don’t we all feel a little bit more adventuresome when we feel good about ourselves? We really feel like glory.”

As a final thought: Timing is everything. Don’t wait until you’re in bed to pay compliment, or your sincerity will be suspected. She’ll assume it’s your dumb stick talking. One woman gave us this advice: “Never tell a woman she’s beautiful when the lights are off.”

Hmmm… That could have been the title of this article…

What are the next points to have in your mind?..

About the Author

Learn to enjoy the best sex of your life, at any age… with the amazing secrets and discoveries in this just-released free “For Men Only” course that is dramatically changing men’s (and women’s) lives literally overnight…


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